Went into town today and bought all the Christmas shopping in one foul and obnoxious swoop. Except that it was fast and easy and didn't hurt even a little bit. I think it was the easiest shopping ever. We got H duplo, and C got duplo and a drink cooler thing. D got a lunch box, s got xmas ornaments, d got biking gloves and everyone was sorted. Great.
now we just need another secret roll of paper for the santa presents so c doesn't recognise it, and its all done. It was totally chaotic wrapping with the kids. H doesn't leave anything alone and is as happy ripping stuff up as wrapping. So the presents have been hidden away. The tree is naked cos if we hang anything on it, it falls over. Actually it falls over all the time now, and ornaments are not required for gravity effects...
C took his trainer wheels off yesterday, jumped on his bike and pedalled away. He hasn't fallen off yet! It was totally unexpected, and really great. He hates getting hurt, and we were prepared for learning the two wheel thing to be a huge drama. But no, there was no drama at all. So he gets a bike for his birthday.
Saw Narnia today, it was pretty good. I thought the computer stuff was pretty weak in places - the lion ride particularly. And the blue screen was pretty obvious at times too. But they did a pretty good job. The faun was great, totally natural looking and seamless.
Much to my relief, H recognised me at the airport. He's only 18 months old, so I was mentally prepared for him to ignore me totally. But no, I got a big smile and a hug before he went back to admiring the ka-kah. Also known as airoplanes to us older people.
the boys were good, the house was like a new pin when I got home. So that was excellent. The garden is a bit of a wilderness but that is a low priority. And the cat seems to be hug deficient, but that has been quickly fixed.
I hug a little hoop thing in the laundry this afternoon. Any job that involves getting out the drill and doing measuring and stuff gives me a huge amount more satisfaction than the difficulty of the job indicates I should have. Read that sentence and weep, oh grammer police! But I hope you know what I mean.
By gosh and by golly, it sure is raining a lot up here.
I've just come back from handing the thesis in.
I feel nervous. What if it isn't good enough. There are some doozy mistakes in the references, and it looks so scruffy having dumb mistakes like that. I'll probably have to reprint the whole thing after the oral exam. Assuming of course that it gets the pass with corrections grade.
I feel grief. Its like letting go of my baby and sending it into the world. I hope they are kind to my baby. And there is this space now that I don't have filled in my mind which is where the worry about the book has gone. Its letting go of part of my life, seven years of my life.
I feel relief - I made the deadline, and the damn thing is mostly done. I can go home and enjoy Christmas now.
I feel the what shall I do with my life now stuff. I like doing the mathematical modeling and now I have found out I might get a job in that. Should I give that a go? Teaching is always sitting there as a backstop, and so if it doesn't work, its not a crisis.
I feel really happy. Hot diggity dog, I wrote a book!
I has a document. Its really large, and it is saved in three different drives. Including the megachip. There's 163 pages, and Word creaks when I do much.
I have to make some appendices. I can't be bothered. I'd really rather just print and drink.
Speaking of which, I told my supervisor that I am not bothering with a bunch of stuff, and that I am drinking plenty of beer... I am a devil-may-care drunk PhD submitter. They are bound to give me a degree, don-cha-tink?
There is nothing else happening in my life. Just thesis and beer. And a beer belly. Its so sexy when I jiggle. Boobs and belly bounce.
Yup, this is thesis week. I have until Thursday to produce a printed document. Friends will ensure multiple copies and binding and handing in.
there are mistakes, and I'm running out of time to fix them. I'm going to have to hand in what I have, and run with it. Its a scary thought, as I have the fear that this thing is not good enough. I checked with the present top PhD student (imho) and she also doesn't feel very clever. So I'm being statically arrogant and taking my sample of one to indicate all of us have the fear. We are not good enough. \damn
But I also know the others who have done this and have been awarded the PhD, and some of them are not that shit hot. So there's hope too.
I'm relying on the supervisors to have ensured I make the grade. They should know the grade, as both of them are experienced.
In case you hadn't picked this up, my mind is running round in circles going It will be okay/ It will not be okay/ It will be okay/ It will not be okay/ I really need more beer.
Especially that last bit. I'm not sleeping that good either!
Yesterday I rang the help desk and they made a bar graph with four bars, and normal labels turn into a thing with ONE single line in the middle of it, and four labels in greek. No, it didn't qualify as help.
Today, if i close and open two of my chapters they reformat themselves. So Helpful. Not.
My sleeper supervisor asked for another chapter. I gave him four. That was naughty.
H is going to get a siamese kitten for Christmas. They will be ready for new homes on Christmas Eve. How cute is that. So much Siamese goodness. Don't tell anyone, but I WANT ONE TOO. However, I'm going to be sensible about this!
After enough things happen to me, I stop reacting. I become super-calm. The worry and panic responses are too tired to work... They are worn out.
I'm approaching that place. Its almost like not caring, especially when viewed from the outside.
And yet things are going pretty well. I have found out the Holland supervisor is not slacking around and IS sending things back, but they are being caught up in the spam filter. And I can now get things back from the spam filter, so I have all his revision stuff to incorporate now and don't have to nag a person who then has to mark the book.
My other leader has got busy and is finally starting to revise things and see me regularly. And admit he can't cover what he needs to in a half hour slot.
My beloved husband is starting to understand that looking after the kids when he is away is not just tiring, it is draining and disappointing, because it is not possible to do your own thing. Your own hobbies tend to disappear as parenting becomes 24/7. It is a good thing he knows this, because I have done a lot of solo parenting so that he can do stuff he wants to do. I want recognition of my sacrifices.
A lecturer here has given me a clue on management of the pain in my arms - wear support bandages. I have tried one on the worst arm for the last 12 hours, and it is making a huge difference. I am going to get one for the other arm, and to hell with the cost. I'm allergic to pain.
I have found a site covered in wild turnips and will put the photo in to justify something I can't find a reference for - it will be kind of funny to have a picture of a personal observation in a thesis (probably an in joke, but trust me on this one).
I am going to make it!, but getting there might hurt.
Saw the Harry Potter in the weekend, and thought it was better than the third one. The dragon was fantastic, it must have taken a lot of people a long time to make that work... But the maze was disappointing. I was looking forward to seeing the sphinx
Yesterday I sent off to the supervisor in Holland a draft of Chapter Seven. I had said I wanted this done in a couple of weeks, and he said that was impossible. It was wonderful to prove him so so wrong.
I have had a haircut, and it is good. I have not enjoyed being scruffy.
I have Chaps 1-5 in a submittable state - its a pretty good place to be... more is better though. So I had better slope off and do some more stuff.
Write chapter eight would be a good plan.